An InMail is more likely to work if you lead with something that the prospect is interested in or passionate about. Notice how Michael puts this first in both the subject line and the paragraph structure of his InMail to Carmen to immediately catch her attention.
It’s fine to state openly that you’ve learned about this more personal subject matter from the prospect’s LinkedIn profile – this is, after all, information they’ve freely shared in a business context. However, Michael also does a good job of naturally incorporating aspects of Carmen’s profile into his opening icebreaker, such as the fact that she works in Arizona.
When it comes to the business-end of the InMail, Michael’s language is all about his prospect Carmen. Using phrases like “given how active you are” and “dedicated to seeing yourself” can clearly frame the prospect’s situation and tie it into the seller’s skills or services.
Michael also avoids any language that could be construed as too forceful or sales-y. Rather than assume that he can book time in Carmen’s calendar, he asks “what’s the easiest way” to demonstrate a willingness to accommodate her preferences. Give the prospect as much control over next steps as possible, but do include a specific call to action (in this case, a phone call or meeting).